“Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure ?”
“The universe is simple; it’s the explanation that’s complex.”
“The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.” Mark Russell.
“Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can’t remember where they leave things.” Woody Allen.
“Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing.” Werner von Braun
“It’s a good thing the guy in charge of naming galaxies was into chocolate bars and not Chinese food. Otherwise, the Milky Way might have been named Moo Goo Gui Pan, and who wants to have to learn about that ?” Paul Paternoster.
“Crash programs fail because they are based on theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby in a month.” Wernher von Braun
“Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars I thought ‘Where the hell is the ceiling ?’
“Every generation of humans believed it had all the answers it needed, except for a few mysteries they assumed would be solved at any moment. And they all believed their ancestors were simplistic and deluded. What are the odds that you are the first generation of humans who will understand reality ?” Scott Adams.
“Only in the US will you find people who think the moon landing was fake and wrestling is real.”
“Photons have mass ?!? I didn’t even know they were Catholic…”
“During the heat of the space race in the 1960’s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of about $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on Earth.
The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.”
“Nothing is faster than the speed of light. To prove this to yourself, try opening the refrigerator door before the light comes on.”
“There may be more than one way to skin a cat, but you only get one try per cat.”
“If my theory of relativity is proven correct, Germany will claim me as a German and France will declare that I am a citizen of the world. Should my theory prove untrue, France will say that I am a German and Germany will declare that I am a Jew.” Albert Einstein.
“They say that something as small as a butterfly beating its wings in China can cause a hurricane in America, so maybe we should go to China and kill all the butterflies, just to be safe.”Ken Advent.
“A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.”
A short history of Medicine:”I have a sore throat.”
2000 BC : “eat this root”
1200 AD : “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1500 AD : “That prayer is superstition, drink this elixir.”
1800 AD : “That elixir is snake oil, Take this pill.”
1900 AD : “That pill is ineffective, Take this antibiotic.”
2000 AD : “That antibiotic is artificial, Here why dont you eat this root.”
“I have a hunch that the unknown sequences of DNA will decode into copyright notices and patent protections.” Donald E. Knuth.
Polaroids /nm./: what polar bears get from sitting on ice caps.
“I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.”A Bit of Fry and Laurie.
“Imagine a survivor of a failed civilization with only a tattered book on aromatherapy for guidance in arresting a cholera epidemic. Yet, such a book would more likely be found amid the debris than a comprehensible medical text.” James Lovelock.
“We’ve made great medical progress in the last generation. What used to be merely an itch is now an allergy.” Anonymous.
“I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.”
“The average human has about one breast and one testicle.” From Statistics 101.
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” Albert Einstein.
“If Einstein was so smart how come people only call you ‘Einstein’ when you do something really stupid ?” Brian Regan.
“I once cheated on a metaphysics exam. I looked deep into the soul of the student beside me.” Woody Allen.